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Fifty Shades of Hot Grey OMG!!!

O.M.G I love Christian Grey!!!

Pant, pant…droool!

Christian Grey makes my old bones want to crank up and do the BDS&M…

BDSM: A combination of abbreviations. B&D: Bondage/Discipline. D/s: Dominance & Submission. S&M: Sadism/Masochism.

Who is Christian Grey…?

We’ll pretend that you did NOT just ask this question. (In the middle of a contentious presidential election, bombarded with images of floods, ravaging drought, devastating wildfires, uprisings and economic collapse, HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHO CHRISTIAN GREY is?

He’s the hunky hero in the “Fifty Shades of Grey” Trilogy by E. L. James – a mixture of Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen) and Vampire Edward Cullen/Twilight Saga (Stephenie Meyer) in fortune, looks, charm and emotional vulnerability. (He’s loosely based on Edward.) 

William Levy. Low slung pants – sooo Christian Grey

Christian Grey is the FIFTY SHADES of HOT!!! Macho!!! Messed up!!! Sexy!!! Dominant!!! Loving!!! Caring!!! Obsessed!!! Protective!!! Emotionally Evolving!!! Supremely ‘Packaged”!!! MALE!!! who has females (and some males I bet) going and, er, coming.

  • Rich! Young! Billionaire CEO.
  • Good looking? Richter scale.
  • Equipment: Ah-hem!!! Playboy issue.
  • Late-20’s. Heck, HE could be late 80’s for all I/we care, yes ladies?
  • Flawed? Oh yes!!! Women feel it’s their life’s mission to “heal, nurture and CHANGE” flawed men and fail. When one sistah does it – OH MY GOD!!!

    “Fifty Shades of Grey” trilogy

  • Kinky? Grrrooowwllll…
  • Various homes, jewelry, boats, luxury cars, unchecked spending.
  • Aaahhh Christian Grey…now if only you’d step off the page, darn it.

When I first heard the hoopla, the giggling, blushing and squirming about the book: “Fifty Shades of Grey” I thought to myself, these Sex and the City types just need some excitement in their lives…or maybe you know…just SOME!

But I decided to read it, anyway – check what all the fuss is about, you know the, ah…erotica. I was number 2-billion on the Library’s wait list and when I finally got the book (Electronic copy – STILL waiting on Paper copy), I read the first few pages and said: nope, don’t like first person books…so I put it down.

Ian Somerhalder: I wanna jump into bed with Christian Grey hot!

But then I picked it up again and by page 10, even before she enters his office, I am hooked. Hooked, line and sinker on Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (Ana).

Why?

Not because of the erotica…

I’m an avid reader and E.L. James is Fifty Shades of TAME compared to some of the stuff I’ve read. Yes, Christian is a kinky bastard, but he does NOT get into the hard core stuff – though he has all the accouterments. In some of the books I’ve read, the characters USE them big time…explicitly. Christian does not. He is too concerned with Anastasia’s feelings…wow! 

Fifty Shades author E.L. James. BDSM?                             Questions, questions…

Anastasia goes to the ATM and finds her balance up by 50-thousand-dollars! What? Grey deposits 50 grand in her account! And she withdraws $50.00. That girl is NOT real. Well, she’s not, really!

He buys her First Editions of books…she returns them, or tries to.

He buys her a Blackberry. He buys her a McBook Pro, I-Pad.

He orders a closet full of designer clothes, from $500 underwear to $3-thousand Christian Louboutin shoes.

Christian makes me feel like I definitely got the short end of a short stick. I did not even get a stick. When I think of it, all my son’s father ever gave me is $100.00 and my son is a teenager!

Christian buys the company where Anastasia works then changes the company’s TRAVEL policies. Result: the supervisor creep who’s trying to get into Anastasia’s pants by manipulating her into a New York trip suddenly finds he cannot travel after all. Ya-hoo!

Christian ferries Anastasia around in his chopper, Charlie Tango OR his chauffeur driven car with bodyguards and fetches her parents in his personal jet…

Ryan Gosling: Oh yeah! I CAN see this Christian Grey telling Anastasia: “use your f—— Blackberry. Don’t talk to me about stupid. Get in the M—–f—— car  “

Gosh, even Christian’s temper comes off as sympathetic. Remember (for those of you hip ladies who’ve read the books) after he warns her repeatedly NOT to use the office computer to email him but she keeps doing it – and her boss gets a-hold of those emails and Christian gets MAD and Ana tells him:

“Don’t do anything stupid, please”

“Stupid!” he explodes. “I told you to use your f—— Blackberry. Don’t talk to me about stupid. Get in the M—–f—— car Anastasia – NOW!” MY inner goddess goes: YES! You had it coming, Anastasia! (OK. I’m twisted and I know it!). I’d be angry with her too!

And that part where he kneels down before her – when he thinks she’s going to leave him? Mr. Dominant – begging. Oh put it in the movie, please…

Lily Collins: THE Anastasia who stumbles into Christian Grey’s office.

Why women looove Christian Grey?

Christian Grey has got the power. But he’s also vulnerable…with many redeeming qualities. 

  • The childhood of unspeakable abuse.
  • The emotional issues/insecurities.
  • The immense success at a young age. He has 40-thousand employees!
  • He is FAITHFUL – A ONE-WOMAN man. For him it is ONLY Anastasia and he will blow off any woman who tries to come between them.
  • He is sexually fastidious.
  • I even like his subtle manipulations, like the time he comes into the kitchen wearing those low slung pants showing off his fabulous sculpted abs to intimidate Jose, his perceived competition for Anastasia.
  • He lives to protect her.
  • He lives to please her.
  • He is willing to grow and overcome his emotional deficiencies and succeeds.
  • He is a sex machine and he CAN and DOES deliver!

I did not even realize I had a fantasy man until Christian Grey came along…! Thanks E.L. James. I mean Darcy is Regency and Edward is a vampire – but Christian is real!

As for Anastasia…

Nina Dobrev: The Anastasia Steele he marries – will NOT be submissive.

I love her and her inner goddess and argumentative subconscious…

I love her little sassy self and the fact that she does not care a hoot about his money.

I love that she sticks by her man.

I love that she holds her own and stands up to him – roll your eyes sister!

I love that she is adventurous but has and knows her limits. She WILL NOT let him dominate/drag her into his BDSM escapades until SHE is ready. Some women would sell their soul/principles to be in a relationship with him. SHE doesn’t.

I love the email interplay between them. It got to the point where I would page ahead to look for those email exchanges and the clever play on words in the headings and sign offs. I got vested in HIS responses – wondering if he’d respond and how.

Anastasia is her own woman. She will not be controlled or bought. She will hold on to and preserve her sense of who she IS.  When Grey buys her a bracelet for 30-thousand Euros…she goes out and buys herself an ankle bracelet for 15 Euros! Bravo!!!

Bet Christian would like Michelle Trachtenberg waiting in his “Playroom!”

That last part in FREED: Meet Fifty Shades where we get the very first scene between them from HIS perspective? Brilliant! So he KNOWS he is gorgeous and women are attracted to his pretty face: “Yeah, yeah baby it’s just a face and the beauty is only skin deep.”

Arrogant bastard! If the book had started this way, we’d HATE Christian Grey. But by the time we read it, we’ve already learnt to understand the old Christian. It takes us into the devious mind of the calculatingly manipulative Christian Grey…and a light clicks on!

Anastasia, Girrrlll – you got not A man, YOUR man. And what a man!!!

Your very own cross between Mark Zuckerberg and George Clooney.

Laters…baby!

Christian Grey? NO, No WAY in Heck.  Fix hairline, forehead…

Christian Grey is a hunk! This guy looks like he’s wanted for doing bad things to women! Are you out of your mind, British professor?

Dr Faye Skelton (University of Central Lancashire, England) used image-generating software to create a composite of  Christian Grey. Patrick Dempsey’s eyes, Brad Pitt’s jawline, Chris Hemsworth’s nose, Val Kilmer’s lips…

Again: “LATERS…BABY”

Movie, don’t disappoint me. STICK TO THE BOOK. More Harry Potteresque, less Twilight (strayed from the books). Prefer not to see characters from Twilight, especially major roles.

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