Shortly before news broke about the sexual shenanigans of one David Letterman, CBS’s resident Don Juan (forgive me, I studied Keats); I came across this article about a “bad lovers” poll.
Seems some countries have good lovers, others have great lovers and some, like America, have bad lovers!
You heard right. Americans are bad lovers. Nothing was said about the number of lovers that one has – just the quality of the loving.
Here’s how it breaks down:
Latin lovers are the best. Seems those hot-blooded Spaniards take the cake, literally.
U.K. marketing firm, OnePoll, put Spanish lovers on top – followed by Brazil, Italy and France.
Remember gentle peoples, 20 million Frenchmen cannot be wrong! And for the cartoon lovers, think Pepe Le Phew! The love-struck, over-aggressive skunk that’s into white stripes! Perpetually chasing Le pussy ferocious! La belle femme skunk fatale!!
Ireland, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Denmark and Canada round out the Top Ten BEST Lovers List.
I wonder if there’s something in olive oil, virgin olive oil that people are missing out on here in America?
In the bad lover category, Germans are number one. They’re described as unhygienic – too smelly; and the worst in bed.
Ironic, I guess, that the perfume style called Cologne or Eau de Cologne originated from the great German city of: Cologne! An Italian perfumer launched the fragrance there in 1709.
The poll of 15-hundred women from 20 countries rate English men second on the Worst Lovers List. Seems English chaps are too prim and proper…and lazy. Hey Simon Cowell – how about that?
Swedes are criticized for being too quick. My aunt is married to a Swede. Have you ever been to Sweden – in the winter? It is cold! Who wants to be uncovered that long?
Number four on the bad lovers list is Holland: Too dominating. Maybe they’re gotten too used to conquering…dams-els?
Which takes us to number five: Americans. Now usually when referring to Americans, I say us and we. Not this time. Sorry. In this instance I’m from the Caribbean.
According to the poll, Americans, YOU – are uncomfortably rough. Please guys; you have already conquered the West! OK.
Greeks – too annoyingly lovey-dovey! Aristotle…lovey- dovey?
The Welsh are too selfish. Now we understand why Princess Diana…never mind! We’ll keep that low down to ourselves!
Scots too loud – MY OH MY!
Turks are too sweaty…
And Russians are too hairy. Hey I’ve seen Putin in shorts (only on TV – Russian secrets are safe) and he looks grrreat!
I notice they didn’t poll in black countries. (I bet South Africa was white South Africa). They didn’t go to Soweto! Come on!
(The saying about black men – and women: Once you go black, no looking back!)
Having bitten the good lovin’ bug, I wanted to know more. So I…Googled, of course…and this came up.
When it comes to sex, seems sports are a game stopper. According to website areyouromantic.com: (Well, are you?)
One in four men would give up sex for at least a month to ensure that his favorite team wins the Super Bowl!
15-percent would give it up for the entire season. 11 percent would give it up for however long it takes.
17-percent of men think their team’s performance on the field affects their performance in bed.
Nearly 30-percent of men think they have better sex after their team wins!
And about one in five sports fans delay sex until after the game is over!
I don’t know the nationality of these men. But based on the previous poll, I’d say they are not Spanish!
The Germans (Visigoths) invaded and occupied Spain in the 5th to 8th centuries. However: as History tells us, they did NOT leave much of a permanent mark on Hispanic culture. Otherwise, Spanish men would probably be up there with Germans on the Worst Lovers List.
Coming soon: “The Art of Seduction” by David Letterman.
Oops, I forgot. He’s American. Sorry Dave…