1. Rent out that bachelor pad atop his studio – you are not a bachelor anymore
2. Do not meet Bill Clinton for drinks
3. Call his ex-lovers and ask them to get rid of their diaries, pronto
4. Change the name of his production company to: Faithful Overalls
5. Stop trying to make the unfunny funny – only funny is funny and this is NOT funny!
6. Stop confessing to the audience. Go see a shrink
7. Start a company in Hollywood titled: Beating Losers At Their Own Game
8. Get a contract stipulation that all future assistants be gay females
9. Do not ever crack any more jokes about aging philanderers
10. Hold on dearly to that lawyer of his
I have never really watched either the David Letterman Show (CBS) or The Tonight Show with or without Jay Leno (NBC) – and I don’t intend to start now.
Whenever I’m up late and these shows come on, I usually switch to a news/sports channel.
On Monday night, I was a bit lazy to get up immediately, because I was just a few minutes away from finishing what I was doing, so Letterman came on.
I must admit, I was a bit curious as to what HE would say, given the revelations about his alleged Sexual Liaisons Room – or Bachelor Pad – or bedroom, whatever above his set in the Ed Sullivan Theater on Broadway.
Monday’s show was Letterman’s first show since announcing, Thursday that a CBS producer had tried to blackmail him for 2-million-dollars over the late night host’s sexual relationships with women who worked for him.
The producer pleaded not guilty to extortion charges, last week.
Scandals seem to be good for ratings. Letterman got a lot of applause when he came on. The gist of Letterman’s comments are in italics, not necessarily verbatim. He started off (his monologue?) by asking the audience about their weekend:
His weekend?: It just flew by…and that he’d give anything right now to be hiking on the Appalachian Trail. (Reference to South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford who was visiting his mistress in Argentina. An aide said the governor was hiking along the Appalachian Trail “to kind of clear his head after the legislative session.”) Lots of applause.
He got into the car in the morning and the navigation lady wasn’t talking to him (applause) ouch! Lots more applause…there’s a possibility that he will be the first talk-show host to be impeached…applause…it’s fall in New York City…he spent the weekend raking his hate mail…applause…cold too, chilly outside my house, chilly inside my house…more laughter.
I turned my T.V. off at this point. In the past, whenever I spoke about Mr. Letterman before, it was usually to refer to his salary.
According to a 2002 Forbes article (The Celebrity 100: The Producer, by Peter Kafka), Letterman’s five year contract renewal with CBS for The Late Show, was worth some 350-million-dollars; more than $155 million of was slated to go straight to Letterman
CBS pays Letterman a $31 million salary on top of the license fees it pays to his production company: Worldwide Pants. CBS even lets Letterman’s people run the shows as they wish, from staffing decisions to celebrity bookings.
According to Forbes, Letterman’s contract with CBS included:
1. Letterman, rather than the network, would own Late Show (11:30 p.m.)
2. Letterman would also have the opportunity to control and own a show in the time period that followed it
3. He would have a development deal funded by CBS.
Jay Leno did not own a stake in the Tonight Show.
Months before Letterman’s contract was set to expire in August 2007, Letterman inked a contract extension with CBS that expires next year, 2010. He is currently paid 40-million-dollars (according to Forbes; others say $31 million) a year.
40 million a year breaks down to: 3.3 million a month. Just under 800-thousand-dollars a week.
Letterman’s company Worldwide Pants does own the program that follows Letterman’s Late Show: It’s called: “The Late Late Show.” Worldwide Pants is also behind hits like Everybody Loves Raymond.
With a production company called: Worldwide Pants, I’m not shocked he can’t keep his pants on.
Isn’t there some subliminal significance there?